Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
