its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
