Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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