haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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