I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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