Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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