this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
