I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
