I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
