More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
