I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize