Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
