textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
