Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
