is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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