dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am one with the molecules
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
