hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
