Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
