I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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