fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
nutella sex= disaster
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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