oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
