Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
do herpes really smell.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
