At least make sure they are 18
Why
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
