Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
