get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
