We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
