the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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