please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
