I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
