'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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