He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
