i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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