Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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