i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
