totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize