We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
