Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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