I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
