i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Enjoy the penises
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize