with your own penis?
Everything about him screamed your future.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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