I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
either way he was missing a nipple.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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