Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
