I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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