I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
