I'm jealous of your bromance
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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