Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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