Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The best revenge is premature balding
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
