May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
