Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we made out on top of his cat.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
