Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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