Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
