Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
