im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
