Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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