My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
