wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
