WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
