i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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