Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
