Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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