What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
