She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
