Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I deserve this hangover.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
